Big scary subjects

Well, just the one I guess. I broached the subject of more babies today with Simon. It was clearly a lot more scary for me than it was for him. I’ve been thinking about it for ages and coming round to the idea again slowly. It still wouldn’t be for at least a year as I am enrolled on a Diploma course and I want to get that done and probably find a new job before anything could happen. I guess I am extremely lucky to have a husband who puts absolutely no pressure on me whatsoever to do this even though he has always wanted to have children. He said as much and then we carried on on with our walk.

In some ways though, it would be nice if he brought it up sometimes as I never know what he’s thinking or what he wants. Me having to steer all conversations can be annoying – it would be nice if I didn’t have to start everything up. But it’s a minor gripe I suppose.

Do I want to examine the baby decision on the blog? Not really – I guess it’s just age? I still panic practically every time I think about it, I know nothing about this at all. Nothing. And yet still quite boring and predictable to reach early thirties and think this is a good idea. Bloody nature. Bloody hormones.

Still a lot of things can happen in a year – I might change my mind again. It might be that if my sister has a baby then I will be cured cause I can do all the fun stuff I like the idea of (making cupcakes, feeding ducks, etc) with her children and I will lose the urge. That way I can still go to Glastonbury too.

Clearly from that last statement I am not fit to be a mother.

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